How do we know what route to take when we don’t know what kind of car we’re driving?

It was 10pm. Our house was quiet. Joe, our 16 year old, was watching something on his phone and sitting quietly next to me on the couch. I was reading a book about personality types that had been highly recommended to me by one of our RV guests. 

The book offered a simple, 5 minute, test to help the reader understand more about their own personality, mentality, responses to others, and how they act. I took the test then looked over at Joe with empathy.

I thought to myself, he spends so much time in a classroom...listening, working, thinking, trying to understand concepts, systems, patterns, chemical reactions and equations. Yet when I’ve asked him what he loves to do, who he wants to be and what really “lights his fire,” the answers aren’t very clear. So much time thinking about the "outside stuff," and so little understanding what's happening inside.

Unfortunately, the default answer for most, “Where I can make the most money,” is a dangerous mixture of an undetermined calling, heavy confusion, and DESPERATION to find happiness and control.

His teachers, parents, coaches and grandparents mean well when they ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” 

His response is on par with most standard responses, “I don’t really know…maybe a _______.”  Fill in the blank, it's a teenager's way of ending a conversation when they don’t know where to start looking for the answer. And why would they…most adults are still looking for the same conclusion.

It's not that we’ve got the cart ahead of the horse. It's that the cart is on the wrong path altogether, and the horse doesn’t even know why it exists. We watch the animal aimlessly walk down a path looking for the next patch of green grass and a watering hole. Desperate to simply survive and getting further away from thriving in their actual purpose.

On the other hand, when we can respond with a confident, clear and accurate answer about who we are, it feels liberating.

Allow me to side step for a moment.

My friend, Gary, has been with Lone Oak longer than anyone else. He came from California and helped the original owner build most of what still exists on our 81 acres. He knows where every water spigot, valve, electric line, phone line, drainage pipe and where any other underground system is located.

Last month we discovered (through an unusually high water bill) that we had a leak. Presumably, and after visiting with the local water company, the leak was somewhere in the 5 miles of underground water lines, 43 toilets, 54 sinks or one of a hundred other fittings we have installed above and below the ground and throughout the retreat center and RV park.

Our plan…Gary watches the meter turn, and I begin turning on and off valves throughout the entire property. We executed, the meter still ran, consistently, through the entire process. We couldn’t find the leak. 

I woke up the next morning still thinking about where the leak could be located. I went to the office, put my bag down, and went back to the water meter with a shovel. I started to dig around the entire meter. Our facilities director was nice enough to finish the job when he saw what I was doing. Gary watched. I went back to my office knowing it was a move of desperation to be digging around the water company's meter when they had assured us “it's never the meter that leaks.”

Twenty minutes later Gary came through the office door. “We found the leak. It’s directly under the meter and spraying water everywhere.” 

I was elated. I felt like a 100 lb weight had been lifted. I had clarity on the source of the problem and knew how it would be fixed. It was a fun, energy-filled, relaxing, stress-relieving, “sun shining down on me” kind of moment you don’t forget. I sat and smiled. Grateful.

Finding the right answer is liberating.

As I sat on the couch next to Joe that night, I thought to myself, ‘do I ask him helpful questions?’ Questions about how he feels when he solves certain problems, plays certain games, and talks to certain people. Questions about where he’s motivated, finds comfort or challenge and experiences success. 

How often do I take the intentional time to help him learn more about himself? Where does he find joy? What gives him energy? What problems does he know he can solve? Where can he solve those problems and who benefits from his solutions?

I try to ask people about things that matter. At times I succeed. But many times I’m so distracted with the grind in the world, busy-ness, things to do, loud noises, flashing lights, social media and television, it never happens. 

Newsflash:  Important questions aren't asked or answered when we’re constantly distracted.

Important answers arrive when there is limited distraction, a quiet focus, and a safe environment. 

The noise, bright lights, horns honking and large billboards prevent us from understanding the answers to who we are, what we enjoy, the gifts we possess, and how those gifts can be used to benefit the world.

Lone Oak’s purpose is to share that space with others. The cafe is calm (except on Karaoke night). The walking trails are peaceful. The RV park is quiet. The stars and campfires are mesmerizing. And in the animal farm or leaning on a fence watching the horses eat is tranquil. 

It’s the kind of space where the best questions can be shared. The answers can be found. And where water leaks get discovered.

Are you spending time in that space?

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

(Learn more about Brian by CLICKING HERE)

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