A few days ago, I was scrolling through an email about events happening in my area. After spinning my computer mouse downward and through endless pages of game nights, ribbon cuttings, concerts, specials, discounted promotions and dining options, I asked myself, ‘Am I really looking for more things to do?’

I leaned back in my office chair and thought for a moment. The answer was pretty clear. “No,” I said aloud to no one in particular. “I’m tired of going.”

Lets face it, I thought, whether you're single, married with one child, or have a gaggle of children following you around, we’re all busy. Every one of us is filling our days with something. We’re sleeping, eating, working, driving, reading, playing, riding, thinking, visiting, showering, or something else…every minute of every day.

So it’s true, the new CEO of Starbucks, even with his 2400 mile, round-trip commute to his office, is filling his plate each day just like the 16 year old that rides her bike to the snow cone stand she’s managing.

I dug deeper into my thoughts…

So, if I’m actually doing something every moment of every day, how many truly meaningful experiences do I actually have? How much time do I spend on “autopilot?” Numb to the minutes I’m choosing to use in some way. Those precious minutes…the minutes I am sure to never get back. Like that last nickel dropped into the slot machine, those moments are in fact, spent. 

A few months ago, a very sweet couple in their 70’s that live just down the road from our home, stopped for a visit on a Sunday afternoon. Unannounced, we invited them into our living room. They brought a homemade pie. Seriously, who does that? They sat in our living room and shared memories of Sunday afternoons decades ago. “Neighbors would always visit each other’s homes after church. They would bring something for you (like a pie) and catch up for a few minutes.” 

Reflecting on our conversation with them, I realized how much I prefer a slower pace. Looking back, the less hectic times throughout my week have turned out to be some of the most enjoyable, memorable and even influential experiences with the people I value most. Playing catch on cool evenings in our backyard, sitting at neighbors house exchanging garden tomatoes for freshly baked zucchini bread, or leaning on a fence with my kids watching our dogs run through the pasture…these are the times I cherish.

Conversations that flow when there doesn’t seem to be a task, project or goal at the forefront of my mind tend to remain tattooed on my soul…especially when they’re with family and close friends. I will never forget some of the questions my now 16 year old son has asked me while playing catch. The encouragement a neighbor shared while sitting in my car in his driveway, engine off and window down. A “drop by” just to say hello.

Fortunately, I realized decades ago that I'm not interested in a full calendar and endless amounts of phone calls and emails. I don't feel the need to consistently be out to dinner with large and small groups of people, racing to the casino or concerts, or even taking trips to a beautiful island simply because the calendar notes a “3 day weekend." 

I’m not interested in the badge of honor for the largest workload and busiest schedule. “Busy, busy, busy” seems “miserable, miserable, miserable.” 

Are we experiencing a culture that was created centuries ago? A culture where the prized mule was the animal that pulled the most amount of hours with the heaviest load. Then the industrial revolution came about and confirmed that the guy standing on the assembly line who created the most amount of widgets was awarded with a pay raise. Now, the social media guru with the most followers, producing the most amount of content, seems to be the largest influencer and generating more revenue.

For the most part, there hasn’t been much that’s changed…do more, produce more, have more, work more, produce more, have more and the cycle continues. I would argue that even with the advent of “self-driven and automated” vacuum cleaners, lawn mowers, cars, AI writers and spell checkers….it still feels we're busier than we’ve ever been in history.

I believe humans inherently desire “deeper” experiences. But it seems we’re working to discover those experiences while still speeding down an endless freeway without an exit ramp. "Valuable time" with others doesn't normally happen when we’re pressed to our limits. It happens when we’re sitting on the back porch watching the sun go down, playing catch with the baseball with our favorite 12 year old, or out on a slow golf cart ride down an old farm road to visit a neighbor.

Make no mistake, I appreciate when we’re serving large numbes at Lone Oak, neighbors and friends are calling to invite us to bbq's and birthday gatherings, and driving to the away games to encourage our kids’ teams. 

But balancing those experiences with the slow and steady memories leaves me feeling energized. 

What I'm looking for is less to do and a deepened engagement in the things I am doing…like writing this article.

Perhaps most of us THINK we're thriving in a world where racking up multitude work hours, rifling through stacks of paperwork and starting side hustles on limited amounts of sleep have left us with the proverbial badge of honor. 

When more hours are worked, promotions are achieved and paychecks are increased. Then the new truck is purchased, the swimming pool is dug and the hamster wheel keeps spinning. 

I'm not saying the new truck and pool shouldn't be enjoyed. But don't buy the new truck and dig a hole in your backyard because you had an increase in personal funds. Do it because it's the right thing to do at the time. Then enjoy the truck and invite me to your pool. We'll enjoy the experiences, together, and for all the right reasons. 

The next time you find yourself on a Friday at 4pm wondering why you didn't get invited to the backyard bbq, concert at a local venue or to dinner with that group of friends, take a step back.  Maybe a quiet evening at home sitting on your back porch with nothing more than a glass of lemonade was just what you needed.

Our work at Lone Oak is meant to provide you those quiet, intentional and very meaningful experiences with the people that mean most to you. Thanks for allowing us to play a part.

Friends,

Brian