How many times have you heard it? 

“Just do your best. That's all anyone can ask.”

The 1st day of kindergarten, baseball practices, spelling bees, piano recitals, ACT testing, the first day of high school, college, and graduate school. A new job, business purchase and in a million other firsts, seconds and thirds. 

Those 9 words are MEANT to be encouraging. Lets face it, the alternative isn’t going to sign you up for parent of the year. “Listen son, no need to try too hard today. You’ve got your whole life to graduate from 3rd grade.”

Encouraging others in a way that leaves them confidently trying harder to do their best is logical and a great way to parent. 

But is our best always good enough (for those around us)?

What happens when things don’t work out for the best? When expectations AREN’T met, how do certain responses change? Especially, when the “encourager,” or the people around them, have the potential to feel the discomfort and fallout of those missed expectations.

Is our best still all anyone is asking? 

Think about an adult’s response to any of the following circumstances.

• Dad’s angst and anger when their teenage driver just backed into the new Tesla on their first trip out of the garage. (Mom and dad have worked the last 8 years at jobs they don’t particularly enjoy to pay for the Tesla they bought yesterday.)
• Mom's embarrassment & disappointment when she discovered their 7th grade son’s failed grade sheet will leave him repeating that same grade next year. (It was this family’s first year at a new private school, and they were accepted into the school on the referral of mom’s best friend.)
• A work supervisor’s fear when the company found a mistake in the procedures manual that their employee created. It cost the company millions, and the supervisor is now at risk of losing their job because of the error. (The supervisor had recommended that employee to the company as the right person to create the manual.)

How does our desire to support and encourage change when the end results, or even the perceived end results, may leave us, personally, with challenges and difficulty? 

Do we stop encouraging altogether? Do we begin controlling? Do we sever the relationship and take matters into our own hands for fear of being hurt, embarrassed, agitated or disappointed?

A moment before, a dad was elated about his daughter’s new driver’s license, a mom was excited about the new school, and a supervisor couldn’t wait to get their employee on such an important project.

With a pat on the back and a confident smile they all shared, “Do your best, that's all I can ask!”

Do most teenagers deliberately damage their parent’s new car? Does any 7th grader ever go into that grade working to be held back? Does any reasonable employee ever intentionally cost a workplace millions of dollars and want to be personally responsible for their supervisor and friend losing their job? I don’t think so.

When expectations are not met, joy, excitement and anticipation can quickly turn to frustration, disappointment and lack of trust.

I’ve been working every day for over 14 years to improve the Lone Oak experience for others. I’ve confidently known since my very first day that I’ve been “called” to Lone Oak. Yes, other work situations would have been less stressful and probably more financially beneficial. However, I know where I was being sent in 2008, so I went.

The other day at Lone Oak I was showing a very spry, kind-hearted, grandmother and new friend through one of our guest homes. She was visiting us as a place to have her family reunion next summer.

For the record, when I walk anyone through Lone Oak, rest assured, I see no fewer than 100 items that need to be improved upon. Our maintenance team does a remarkable job, but with 81 acres and 29 buildings, my eyes are always on what needs attention. I incorrectly assume most see what I see.

As we walked out and on to the front walkway, we looked across the manicured grounds. What this beautiful lady said put me back a few steps.
“It's perfect! Everything you have going on is just perfect.” 

I was baffled. I think I just stopped and resonated in that comment for a moment. Like I’d heard or seen something that didn’t feel real. A “pinch me” kind of moment.

It wasn’t because the comment felt good. I rarely require positive affirmation to improve my quality of life. It was her extraordinarily gracious attitude about the experiences we’re trying to share with others that literally took me back a bit.

She met me at the intersection of “I’m doing my best” and “her grace.” It was beautiful, and I was grateful. 

Why is it so challenging for some to see all the great things about life, things and other people? (Hint: It becomes easier when you avoid the daily news and some, not all, of social media.)

The next time you experience a “missed expectation,” take a moment to yourself. Think about the original intention of those involved. Their genuine desire to share something positive, comfortable, safe, and beneficial to others. Your anxiety, stress, and disappointment may be transformed into understanding, empathy and compassion…leaving the relationship to grow and joy to be discovered.

And I’ll always be grateful for our meeting at that intersection of “my try hard” and "your grace.”

Remain encouraged,

Brian

Click HERE to learn more about Brian & his family